Use the relationship between the signs, not degrees. Hard aspects between the Sun signs and the Moon signs are not critical but hard aspects between the Mercury, Mars and Saturn signs can seriously frustrate the relationship.

These issues often do not show up at the beginning of a relationship but they do manifest as the relationship progresses. These afflictions do not necessarily interfere with friendships. I have Mercury in Leo yet I have many friends with Mercury in Scorpio and Aquarius. As friends, I find their ideas and concepts to be quite stimulating. In a marriage, over the years, the differences will become frustrating. With Mercury, it becomes easier to just tune out and not listen.

SUN-SUN: Ego needs are in conflict so that one does not feel real support by the other. The ego may be threatened by the other— put downs sensed. Neither feels that they can get their way— one must compromise to the others “life direction” and choices. Ambitions and objectives differ. When one accommodates the needs of the other, that partner will feel frustrated in their ambitions.

This works when one consciously agrees to allow the other partner to take the lead in the direction of the relationship. It only becomes a problem when the compromising partner makes a choice that does not agree with the other partner. These are often conflicting career choices.

MOON-MOON: Personal habits differ. This couple needs separate rooms. Attitudes towards child-raising differ. They have trouble understanding each other’s moods. One will seem inconsiderate of the other’s feelings. The relationship may be colored with impatience. With a Square, one will try to change the other’s habits. This will not work. With oppositions, the differences are so apparent that they can make compromises. One smokes and one does not; one gets up early and the other sleeps later; one is neat and the other appears messy…it goes on.

MERCURY-MERCURY: There may be a lot of talking but they do not hear each other. While one is talking, the other is thinking about something else— they do not hear the other or the other’s point of view. They use words differently and define terms differently. One uses absolutes (always and never) and they other is frustrated by absolutes. Good communication is vital to a sound relationship and this combination indicates that there is no good communication in a close relationship. Interestingly, with a near conjunction, these people think exactly alike— this can be un-stimulating.

VENUS-VENUS: Each gives what they define as love but they each do not feel that they are getting anything that they value. Venus in Cancer will cook and nurture but Venus in Aries is bored and does not appreciate this. Values, tastes and what one needs in terms of love and appreciation differ. The social life differs. Often their tastes in movies and food can differ. The couple can pursue their interests and friendships separately.

MARS-MARS: These people act and do things very differently so there can be a lack of cooperation. The energies are frustrated. They can be competitive (I often see this with an exact conjunction) with each other. Frustration leads to anger and the anger infiltrates the relationship— this impacts the sex life of the couple. This couple feels that they cannot fight fairly in the relationship so it can lead to a coldness and sexual frustration. I am angry so I have a headache tonight!

I have Mars in Gemini and, if I have to paint, I take a lot of breaks and it do it in a slap-dash manner. My Mars in Virgo friend is angered by this because she spackles and fills every crack. It only works if I do exactly what she tells me to do.

JUPITER-JUPITER: Philosophies will differ. They have different ways of reaching out and relating. Ethics definitely differ. Sometimes they feel that their relationship works better if they take separate vacations. This aspect is only a problem if religion will be an issue in the relationship.

SATURN-SATURN: These people define responsibilities and commitments differently. One often tries to “parent” the other and this can lead to distance and feeling rejected. One can impose a different responsibility system but each feels limited or frustrated by the demands and expectations of the other. There can be no real closeness if one feels they have to be a parent to the other and the other feels like they are being treated like a child.

In a romantic relationship, this aspect means there is a big age difference in the relationship – 7, 14, 21 or 28 years. This aspect is often seen in an actual parent-child relationship. The child will be frustrated by the demands of the parent. The child will feel that they are being responsible but the parent does not. For example, a child with Saturn in Sagittarius will feel they are responsible because they get good grades, they are respected for teachers and fellow students but the parent with Saturn in Virgo will complain because their room is not neat and clean.


1) The maturity of the couple is the most important factor.

2) Any problem at the beginning of the relationship will only get worse after time.

3) It is the differences that make the relationship stimulating. I have met men whose charts were exactly like my own – it was like a brother-sister act. There was no attraction.

4) When someone asks me about a relationship, I tell them what the problems will be and then ask, “Can you live with these traits?”

5) Phases of a relationship – At the beginning of a relationship, the people are more open to hearing about the problems. The 2nd phase is when they are “in love.” At this point, they are unwilling to hear anything negative. I can only tell them how to live with the problems. The 3rd phase occurs when they are unhappy in the relationship. They are open to seeing the truth.

6) Afflicted Neptune in the 8th or afflicting 8th House Planets – These people create their own reality of how things are. They can become very, very upset when you challenge this reality. They also create their own reality about what I actually said.

I have a client who comes irregularly with the combination. She has Mars-Saturn afflicted in Leo in the 7th. She has an abusive husband. I realized that she could not handle this information so I just told her how she created a calm and loving oasis for her husband.

Another client, who I refused to see again, heard everything wrong. She asked about having children and I told her that women with a Moon-Uranus aspect, if they do not have children early, enjoy their freedom so much that they choose not to have children. I never tell someone that they will not have children. When she called 2 weeks later and accused me of saying that she would never have children, I repeated what I actually said. Of course, she had thrown the tape out so she could not hear what I really said. Months later she called to apologize and asked for a reading. I refused.

7) Saturn aspects are Holding aspects. They are needed for a sense of commitment between 2 people.

8) Favorable Neptune aspects help the couple to tolerate each other’s flaws and imperfections. Strong Neptune often causes one partner’s energies to surround the other’s energy field so one feels that they cannot get the other person out of their mind.

9) The ASC represents our early environment and how we were treated and taught to behave. When planets from the partner conjunct the other’s ASC, they will want you to behave as you did in your formative years. This is only a problem when the Sun sign is not in harmony with the ASC.

  1. Susie Says:

    Lynne, in your experience, is it the planet person or the aspected person who feels the interaspects?

    For example, if my neptune strongly aspects person B’s personal planets, will I be the one who can’t get person B out of my mind, or will person B be the one who’s “neptunized” and can’t get me out of his mind?

    I’ve run several comparisons with different guys I’ve dated, and based on personal experience, it seems to be the person who is aspected who becomes planetized, not the person who’s planet is doing the aspecting.

    But you have much more empirical data than I do, so I would value your opinion. Thank you in advance and I love your web-site!

  2. Lynn Koiner Says:

    SUSIE: You asked a very good question and your observations are the same as my own.
    If my Pluto is squaring another’s Venus-Moon, then the Venus-Moon person will see my controling side much more than others would notice this.
    It is always the maturity of the 2 individuals and many other factors that contribute to the success of a relationship.

    I have been in a relationship for almost 20 years. Neptune rules my 7th House and it aspects my Moon-Venus-Mars and Jupiter, co-ruler of the 7th. I am always attracted to Neptune type relationships. Not in the typical negative way but we have a Neptune style of closeness that is not really close at all in the eyes of others. This is what I experienced growing up.
    In my current relationship, he works and plays golf. That is it! However, it is a good hearted Leo.
    I love to travel, work, teach and spend time with my groups. He does not interfere with me and I do not interfere with him but we love each other all the same.
    We both have Uranus strong so that colors the style of Neptune — we need space.

    Astrologically, I wanted a Leo with the Sun at 3 Leo so that it would not be so insecure as the 0 Leo but it would not fall into my 12th House where the Sun would feel no recognition with me – not good for a Leo. My Virgo still has to remember to tell him that he is the greatest, the best and the only one.

  3. Colleen Says:

    Hi Lynn, I am also experiencing the ‘Neptune’ thing where another persons Neptune conjuncts my Moon/Venus in Libra with a 3 degree orb. I sometimes feel almost haunted by him! His Pluto also conjuncts my descendant exactly, and my ascendant conjuncts his north node exactly – it is a very powerful and often difficult dynamic, but it also feels ‘karmic’ and I don’t ever want to say goodbye to him!
    I have Sun/Pluto/Uranus conjunct in Virgo, which is my 7th house with Aqua rising so freedom and space in relationships is important to me, so this is a challenge.

  4. Lynn Koiner Says:

    COLLEEN: When someone’s Neptune aligns with your personal planets, it is very difficult to get that’s person’s energies out of your own energy field. It is almost like they are surrounding you like a cloud. You find it difficult to get them out of your mind and only time, often a long time, and new experiences can get that person out of your mind.

    It is very difficult to define boundaries for the Neptune person…and this is not good. Many years ago I experienced this and it took such a long time for the “cloud” of the other’s energies to dissipate.

    Furthermore, that Virgo alignment tends to obsess — I had to confess many years ago that Virgo is an obsessive sign, trying to figure things out.

    Finding a new obsession can help. When a relationship feels KARMIC, this never not a good sign.

  5. Colleen Says:

    Hi Lynn, thank you for that – it is so true! And yes, I am definitely obsessive in trying to understand what on earth is going on as I have always been so clear – minded and able to keep myself separate in relationships.
    Does it mean my energies also affect him, or is it just one way?
    Best wishes

  6. Lynn Koiner Says:

    COLLEEN: I can only tell about you.

  7. Colleen Says:

    Hi Lynn,
    Thanks – thats ok…I guess I’d just like to think he is as obsessed about me!
    Best wishes


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