ASTRO-COMPATIBILITY by Lynn Koiner – firstname.lastname@example.org
Use the relationship between the signs, not degrees. Hard aspects between the Sun signs and the Moon signs are not critical but hard aspects between the Mercury, Mars and Saturn signs can seriously frustrate the relationship.
These issues often do not show up at the beginning of a relationship but they do manifest as the relationship progresses. These afflictions do not necessarily interfere with friendships. I have Mercury in Leo yet I have many friends with Mercury in Scorpio and Aquarius. As friends, I find their ideas and concepts to be quite stimulating. In a marriage, over the years, the differences will become frustrating. With Mercury, it becomes easier to just tune out and not listen.
SUN-SUN: Ego needs are in conflict so that one does not feel real support by the other. The ego may be threatened by the other – put downs sensed. Neither feels that they can get their way – one must compromise to the others “life direction” and choices. Ambitions and objectives differ. When one accommodates the needs of the other, that partner will feel frustrated in their ambitions.
This works when one consciously agrees to allow the other partner to take the lead in the direction of the relationship. It only becomes a problem when the compromising partner makes a choice that does not agree with the other partner. These are often conflicting career choices.
MOON-MOON: Personal habits differ. This couple needs separate rooms. Attitudes towards child-raising differ. They have trouble understanding each other’s moods. One will seem inconsiderate of the other’s feelings. The relationship may be colored with impatience. With a Square, one will try to change the other’s habits. This will not work. With oppositions, the differences are so apparent that they can make compromises. One smokes and one does not; one gets up early and the other sleeps later; one is neat and the other appears messy…it goes on.
MERCURY-MERCURY: There may be a lot of talking but they do not hear each other. While one is talking, the other is thinking about something else – they do not hear the other or the other’s point of view. They use words differently and define terms differently. One uses absolutes (always and never) and they other is frustrated by absolutes. Good communication is vital to a sound relationship and this combination indicates that there is no good communication in a close relationship. Interestingly, with a near conjunction, these people think exactly alike – this can be un-stimulating.
VENUS-VENUS: Each gives what they define as love but they each do not feel that they are getting anything that they value. Venus in Cancer will cook and nurture but Venus in Aries is bored and does not appreciate this. Values, tastes and what one needs in terms of love and appreciation differ. The social life differs. Often their tastes in movies and food can differ. The couple can pursue their interests and friendships separately.
MARS-MARS: These people act and do things very differently so there can be a lack of cooperation. The energies are frustrated. They can be competitive (I often see this with an exact conjunction) with each other. Frustration leads to anger and the anger infiltrates the relationship – this impacts the sex life of the couple. This couple feels that they cannot fight fairly in the relationship so it can lead to a coldness and sexual frustration. I am angry so I have a headache tonight!
I have Mars in Gemini and, if I have to paint, I take a lot of breaks and it do it in a slap-dash manner. My Mars in Virgo friend is angered by this because she spackles and fills every crack. It only works if I do exactly what she tells me to do.
JUPITER-JUPITER: Philosophies will differ. They have different ways of reaching out and relating. Ethics definitely differ. Sometimes they feel that their relationship works better if they take separate vacations. This aspect is only a problem if religion will be an issue in the relationship.
SATURN-SATURN: These people define responsibilities and commitments differently. One often tries to “parent” the other and this can lead to distance and feeling rejected. One can impose a different responsibility system but each feels limited or frustrated by the demands and expectations of the other. There can be no real closeness if one feels they have to be a parent to the other and the other feels like they are being treated like a child.
In a romantic relationship, this aspect means there is a big age difference in the relationship – 7, 14, 21 or 28 years. This aspect is often seen in an actual parent-child relationship. The child will be frustrated by the demands of the parent. The child will feel that they are being responsible but the parent does not. For example, a child with Saturn in Sagittarius will feel they are responsible because they get good grades, they are respected for teachers and fellow students but the parent with Saturn in Virgo will complain because their room is not neat and clean.
1) The maturity of the couple is the most important factor.
2) Any problem at the beginning of the relationship will only get worse after time.
3) It is the differences that make the relationship stimulating. I have met men whose charts were exactly like my own – it was like a brother-sister act. There was no attraction.
4) When someone asks me about a relationship, I tell them what the problems will be and then ask, “Can you live with these traits?”
5) Phases of a relationship – At the beginning of a relationship, the people are more open to hearing about the problems. The 2nd phase is when they are “in love.” At this point, they are unwilling to hear anything negative. I can only tell them how to live with the problems. The 3rd phase occurs when they are unhappy in the relationship. They are open to seeing the truth.
6) Afflicted Neptune in the 8th or afflicting 8th House Planets – These people create their own reality of how things are. They can become very, very upset when you challenge this reality. They also create their own reality about what I actually said.
I have a client who comes irregularly with the combination. She has Mars-Saturn afflicted in Leo in the 7th. She has an abusive husband. I realized that she could not handle this information so I just told her how she created a calm and loving oasis for her husband.
Another client, who I refused to see again, heard everything wrong. She asked about having children and I told her that women with a Moon-Uranus aspect, if they do not have children early, enjoy their freedom so much that they choose not to have children. I never tell someone that they will not have children. When she called 2 weeks later and accused me of saying that she would never have children, I repeated what I actually said – keep in mind that she was almost 50 years old at the time. Of course, she had thrown the tape out so she could not hear what I really said. Months later she called to apologize and asked for a reading. I refused.
7) Saturn aspects are Holding aspects. They are needed for a sense of commitment between 2 people.
8) Favorable Neptune aspects help the couple to tolerate each other’s flaws and imperfections. Strong Neptune often causes one partner’s energies to surround the other’s energy field so one feels that they cannot get the other person out of their mind.
9) The ASC represents our early environment and how we were treated and taught to behave. When planets from the partner conjunct the other’s ASC, they will want you to behave as you did in your formative years. This is only a problem when the Sun sign is not in harmony with the ASC.
10) Saturn aspects between charts can hold the relationship together. There are feelings of responsibility. However, if Saturn afflicts the Moon-Venus in another’s chart, that person will come across as cold and unfeeling to the Moon-Venus person. This can be a surprise to the Saturn person!
11) Nodes near the other’s ASC/DESC is very “holding” – my Nodes are near Bill’s ASC/DESC and we have been together for 30 years!
NOTES from LARS IN SWEDEN:
Over the years, thinking about relationships, there is one aspect I would not like to have with a partner, and that is affliction from Saturn to Moon and Venus, because then you tend to see your partner as rather cold, and if there is one thing I would like to have in a relationship, then it is warmth and love. Do you agree?
Anyway, a friend of mine with Moon in Pisces and Venus in Virgo, is dating a woman with her Saturn squaring both his planets. Something that makes it worse, is that she has a Gemini moon that squares his Pisces Moon, so she is probably not comfortable when he displays his emotions
So, I was just wondering what do you feel about Saturn afflicting Moon/Venus I relationships charts (of course a relationship like that could be enduring ((Saturn)) but not filled with love?)
I never forget speaking to a woman who had these aspects to her son, I had known her for years, then I said “doesn’t your son think of you as being cold and unloving?” She is a very warm loving person, but even so I thought that this aspect must create some problems for her.
And she said he had accused her for this. Just hearing someone explaining that there was a natural explanation for this was a tremendous relief for her. I said she felt “panic” when her son reached out for love in the way he did, and she said it was exactly so she felt it, and that then when she backed of, he followed her and it become even worse. We did a brainstorm and she come up with other ways to transfer warmth and affection in a way that was mutually rewarding (in this case it was healing and massage of his back). So, I guess there are ways of handling everything.
My best friend’s ex wife had her Saturn 28 Virgo opposing his moon in Pisces, and he felt she was very cold and uncaring. He also (and he is a very warm loving person) had a brief encounter with a woman. And even though they just met a couple of times, when he felt everything was fine and felt content, she all of the sudden said “you are so cold”, he was so chocked by the words since he never had been given an opinion like that of himself. I don’t remember if his Saturn afflicted her Moon or Venus, but it was one of the planets.
MERCURY RETROGRADE and MARRIAGE:
I do remember K T Boehrer (the declination Queen) told me years ago that if a couple gets married during Mercury Rx, count the degrees between the date of the wedding and when Mercury goes Direct, and the marriage is likely to fall apart at that year of marriage. (Example: if marriage occurs at 10 Rx -any sign- and Mercury goes Direct at 22 – that same sign-, the marriage will likely fall apart during 12th year of marriage.) This has worked in 95+% of the time that I have checked it, but not in all cases. This worked in my brother’s marriage (I was still a baby in astrology back then), and there was 18 yrs of separation in the aspects of Mercury, and during the 18th yr of marriage, it ended in divorce. Also, a friend of mine married her college sweetheart when they were in their 50’s, and I helped her pick a marriage date. Unfortunately, where she was determined to get married was only available on a few dates within a few month’s span of time. So, the day she wen! t with, in spite of my hesitation, was the day before Mercury went direct. The groom had had cancer several years before but was in remission, doing well. During the 2nd year of marriage, the cancer came back and he was gone within a few months.
My late husband Dave and I had squared Mars contact. There was a lot of violence and anger in the marriage. We divorced and remarried. The strong pull I think was compatible Suns and almost exact sextile moons. The violence stopped but the anger became a distancing factor.
My parents had Mars-Mars square and my mother was always angry and yelling. It was horrible when I was growing up — but they stayed together and I am actually glad that they did. Thank you for sharing.
I’m getting so much from the synastry info. Mercury was retrograde when we got married. Doing the count we got divorced 25 years later that fitted your rule of thumb. We remarried on the same date 11years later when mercury was going forward. We stayed married until Dave died in 2019. I
I noticed the issue of Neptune and not telling the truth. I’ve noticed this with people who have Neptune close to the asc.